Pot Said, She Said

I was so depressed, I posted something on my facebook how hopeless life was. I took a couple darvocets and next thing I know I have my cousin pounding on my door and as I opened the door, police/paramedics came around the corner. Then I'm in the emergency room being monitored for 8 hours or so, then taken to a mental hospital. I was there 7 days and since I've been out, I have been going to outpatient. I met someone there that I truly like, so much it scares me. Why is it I want what I can't have? I'm never happy completely with what I have but always want something else. My husband is dear to me and is the nicest man that I could ever dream up, but theres something missing and I don't know what. I also don't know if I can help it. Going for a long walk to think and possibly make mistakes. I almost pride myself on the mistakes, because without them, I don't feel as if I'm living. I like to live by my own rules and the world just gets in the way.

okay, so I smoked the last pot I'm going to smoke. But found a can of sparks. not suppose to be drinking either. but i have been wanting to. had a relaspse on monday. and was sent to the hospital two and half weeks ago. was depressed. cry for help. that sort of thing. people have it so much worse than me but yet i'm so miserable. the thing is, that so many people have it better than me is what gets me down. I'm goign to be in trouble when hubby gets home. I'm already starting to get tipsy.