okay, so I smoked the last pot I'm going to smoke. But found a can of sparks. not suppose to be drinking either. but i have been wanting to. had a relaspse on monday. and was sent to the hospital two and half weeks ago. was depressed. cry for help. that sort of thing. people have it so much worse than me but yet i'm so miserable. the thing is, that so many people have it better than me is what gets me down. I'm goign to be in trouble when hubby gets home. I'm already starting to get tipsy.
I drank again. It was tuesday after lunch with a friend and still had some liquor left over. but I came home and dumped it. I want to be sober. This last time, i didn't feel the same rush drinking. I got flushed and that sick filling of drinking, the anxiety and shakes. Drinking is just killing me and I need to stay away. I've stayed away from the pot, which i only started to stop the drinking, thinking it was better. but any substance is not good for me. I have to be clear headed right now. I'm keeping busy with going to meetings, and it felt good to be busy today and focused. now only if this feeling can stay. group really helped me get some perspective this time. One day at a time and today I didnt drink. tomorrow is my goal to stay sober and honest.
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