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The journey begins

I'm starting this blog to keep my sanity and give me purpose. I'm falling down the rabbit hole and I wasn't even following the rabbit! Or was I? ... da... da..... dahhhhh.

Its been awhile since I wrote down anything personal longer than an email to someone. I use to have an online diary, but thats gone now, literally. I haven't been to it and apparently the site is now gone. wait. EUREKA, i just realized that I used the wrong web address. and return I must with an embarrassing mistake. It must really be gone. :(

Tomorrow is my therapist appointment and I started writing things down on a pad this morning since I was high and you know when you smoke pot all your ideas seem great. The other problem with potdeas are you don't remember all of them. Or at least I don't. Anyways, I'm writing down my ideas and thoughts so I can express my anguish of thinking all the things that go through my head and also to keep track of all those good ideas. I think when the pot wears off and I rethink my ideas I talk myself out of them. I'm not a dreamer, I'm a realist and some dreaming is good for a person. But its hard for me to do that because I'm so anchored in science, math and logical thinking. I think I like it because it requires me to focus on the problem at hand and nothing personal or emotional can get in the way when I focus.

So the back to the pad I'm writing on and my state of highness now, which is a 4 on a scale of 1 to 10 and quickly falling to zero. When I was writing on the pad I was high at a level of a 8, 9 or 10 and I will try to divulge this information for reporting purposes to myself. I wonder how different my thoughts are and how I change personality.

So on this pad, I have:
  • bad habit of looking in the fridge
  • talking myself down from being pissed about him about the yogurt incident
  • why don't we have recycle bins for dumpter customers?
  • Not remembering the thing I wanted to write down to begin this list
  • I can't tell my husband anything

Interesting....
Over and out till tomorrow. Leaving you at a 3

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