I couldn't think of a title...
The weekend was fun. I've been in a manic mood, but I was elated. I can't recall anything momentus on Friday, but Sataurday started off early. My husband, 13 yr old daughter and I went to pick up my grandma from dialysis. I didn't recall how long shes been doing it, but thought she went every four days so the days would fluctuate rather than being every Tuesday, Thursday and Sataurday.
It pulled me into reality and made my sad. I had to explain what being on dialysis was to my daughter. I didn't really know details of what being on dialysis means or I wouldn't recognize it because I know I'm not dumb so I've had to have been exposed to it at somepoint and know something about it.
She was done, so we took her home where we talked, tried to find her a spanish channel with only Antenna TV that had some programming on besides an infomercial was difficult. I asked her alot of questions about how she met my grandpa and when she came to the U.S. from Mexico. I've heard bits and pieces but I don't think I've heard them all together and pieced the puzzle together.
I won't write all the details but one example I will share is that I couldn't remember how she met my grandfather (who passed away about 1.5 yrs ago). He 27 when she was 18. They met at night school. My grandfather asked her out and apparently wooed her. I'm fuzzy on any details about how she decided to marry him and stay married until his death. She said how old he was when he died, but I don't remember the number now. So by doing the math of he was 9 years older than her and she is 73 right now, he would be 82 now and he died about 1.5 to 2 years ago makes him 80. His heart stopped or heart attack and it was instant my aunt said. He just went to sleep right in front of them at breakfast. My Aunt and Uncle were over cooking breakfast for my Aunt's Mother and Father. She said he was sitting down and then just slumped over onto my Uncle. That was it.
Well since I don't have my mother here to tell me about her childhood and life (she died June, 1999 at the age of 42, I was 24, my sister was 21 and my brother was 18, still in highschool as a senior about to graduate. I barely remember going to his graduation. It was a couple weeks after her death. She died June and I have never remembered the date. but I do know its either 1st to the 6th. I also know that My sister had her baby within a couple days after because she was in the hospital and not able to come to the funeral, but I remember her pregnant still when my mother died.
I'm remembering details right now that I've haven't pieced together. I have buried the specifics during the whirlwind of traumatic events that have taken place in my life and on top of that, my mental behavior and diagnosis not being recognized or addressed.
When I was in my early teens, my mother noticed that I had continuously pulled my eyelashes out. I would sit and focus on only touching them or tugging and feeling the little prick when I pluck one out or feeling the bareness of my eyelid after I've pulled enough out to create a bald spot.
She asked me why I was doing it and I told her I just like to. Its like biting my nails. Its a bad habit. I remember crying alot as a teen. I just thought I was too emotional. But crying into my pillow would cause me to blink rubbing my eyelashes into the pillow which I quite enjoyed the sound it made.
Getting back to my mother taking me to a therapist to discuss why I pulled my eyelashes. I agreed to see a therapist/psychologist to please my mother who was worried and asked me to do this for her.
I told the psychologist the same thing I told my mother. I don't remember much other specifics we talked about, but I never went back. I think it was because I didn't feel comfortable or didn't think I needed it. I don't know and I have no one alive to ask. So why can't I remember what happened, was it that arbitrary to me at that age? Possibly.
We spent the rest of the afternoon at the grandmothers and left. It was a nice visit. I had decided in my head that I wanted to go back next weekend as soon as I left. I didn't share this with anyone until that night with my daughter as we went shopping and then with my husband as we talked in the morning on sunday. I then called my Aunt later sunday morning to ask what day will she have dialysis this weekend. She then informed me that its Tuesday, Wednesday and Sataurday every week for the last 3 years. We also talked about other stuff that won't be a part of this post.
I confirmed that I was going to call my brother to visit with me next Sataurday at our Grandma's house. I called my brother and through voicemails back and forth, we confirmed that he will be there Sataurday morning. I'm thinking of bringing food to cook. I'll call my brother and see if he wants to cook something together at her house.
ksllsksskl just hitting the keys as I zoned into thoughts that made me sad.
I need to document my moods as I did smoke to calm me down because I drank caffine and it sent me reeling into a manic episode. I needed to calm it down a bit so I could stay sane and get chores done. I have a few "to do"s and by writing in this, one off the list!
I've saved links to other bipolar blogs to see how they are coping with life and what helps them. I want to be successful at the things I want to accomplish. I want to go into law. I have my bachelor's in Business Administration now and I want to get my juris doctorate. I don't think I want to practice law, but use my business analytical sense with legal knowledge should be good assets, shouldn't they? I bet interesting jobs in corporate worlds would need something like that.
I'm hoping to get exposure to the judicial world soon...
The weekend was fun. I've been in a manic mood, but I was elated. I can't recall anything momentus on Friday, but Sataurday started off early. My husband, 13 yr old daughter and I went to pick up my grandma from dialysis. I didn't recall how long shes been doing it, but thought she went every four days so the days would fluctuate rather than being every Tuesday, Thursday and Sataurday.
It pulled me into reality and made my sad. I had to explain what being on dialysis was to my daughter. I didn't really know details of what being on dialysis means or I wouldn't recognize it because I know I'm not dumb so I've had to have been exposed to it at somepoint and know something about it.
She was done, so we took her home where we talked, tried to find her a spanish channel with only Antenna TV that had some programming on besides an infomercial was difficult. I asked her alot of questions about how she met my grandpa and when she came to the U.S. from Mexico. I've heard bits and pieces but I don't think I've heard them all together and pieced the puzzle together.
I won't write all the details but one example I will share is that I couldn't remember how she met my grandfather (who passed away about 1.5 yrs ago). He 27 when she was 18. They met at night school. My grandfather asked her out and apparently wooed her. I'm fuzzy on any details about how she decided to marry him and stay married until his death. She said how old he was when he died, but I don't remember the number now. So by doing the math of he was 9 years older than her and she is 73 right now, he would be 82 now and he died about 1.5 to 2 years ago makes him 80. His heart stopped or heart attack and it was instant my aunt said. He just went to sleep right in front of them at breakfast. My Aunt and Uncle were over cooking breakfast for my Aunt's Mother and Father. She said he was sitting down and then just slumped over onto my Uncle. That was it.
Well since I don't have my mother here to tell me about her childhood and life (she died June, 1999 at the age of 42, I was 24, my sister was 21 and my brother was 18, still in highschool as a senior about to graduate. I barely remember going to his graduation. It was a couple weeks after her death. She died June and I have never remembered the date. but I do know its either 1st to the 6th. I also know that My sister had her baby within a couple days after because she was in the hospital and not able to come to the funeral, but I remember her pregnant still when my mother died.
I'm remembering details right now that I've haven't pieced together. I have buried the specifics during the whirlwind of traumatic events that have taken place in my life and on top of that, my mental behavior and diagnosis not being recognized or addressed.
When I was in my early teens, my mother noticed that I had continuously pulled my eyelashes out. I would sit and focus on only touching them or tugging and feeling the little prick when I pluck one out or feeling the bareness of my eyelid after I've pulled enough out to create a bald spot.
She asked me why I was doing it and I told her I just like to. Its like biting my nails. Its a bad habit. I remember crying alot as a teen. I just thought I was too emotional. But crying into my pillow would cause me to blink rubbing my eyelashes into the pillow which I quite enjoyed the sound it made.
Getting back to my mother taking me to a therapist to discuss why I pulled my eyelashes. I agreed to see a therapist/psychologist to please my mother who was worried and asked me to do this for her.
I told the psychologist the same thing I told my mother. I don't remember much other specifics we talked about, but I never went back. I think it was because I didn't feel comfortable or didn't think I needed it. I don't know and I have no one alive to ask. So why can't I remember what happened, was it that arbitrary to me at that age? Possibly.
We spent the rest of the afternoon at the grandmothers and left. It was a nice visit. I had decided in my head that I wanted to go back next weekend as soon as I left. I didn't share this with anyone until that night with my daughter as we went shopping and then with my husband as we talked in the morning on sunday. I then called my Aunt later sunday morning to ask what day will she have dialysis this weekend. She then informed me that its Tuesday, Wednesday and Sataurday every week for the last 3 years. We also talked about other stuff that won't be a part of this post.
I confirmed that I was going to call my brother to visit with me next Sataurday at our Grandma's house. I called my brother and through voicemails back and forth, we confirmed that he will be there Sataurday morning. I'm thinking of bringing food to cook. I'll call my brother and see if he wants to cook something together at her house.
ksllsksskl just hitting the keys as I zoned into thoughts that made me sad.
I need to document my moods as I did smoke to calm me down because I drank caffine and it sent me reeling into a manic episode. I needed to calm it down a bit so I could stay sane and get chores done. I have a few "to do"s and by writing in this, one off the list!
I've saved links to other bipolar blogs to see how they are coping with life and what helps them. I want to be successful at the things I want to accomplish. I want to go into law. I have my bachelor's in Business Administration now and I want to get my juris doctorate. I don't think I want to practice law, but use my business analytical sense with legal knowledge should be good assets, shouldn't they? I bet interesting jobs in corporate worlds would need something like that.
I'm hoping to get exposure to the judicial world soon...
Comments
Post a Comment